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    Jewish dating customs

    A 32-year-old literature professor at CUNY, Schwartz came here from Israel seven years ago and was enchanted by the gentility and ladylike manners of American women; but when it came to dating them, he kept smashing into invisible walls. “Every little thing you do or don’t do is judged — from the particular vocabulary you use, to the money you spend, to the frequency of your calls.

    Both sides (usually the singles themselves, parents, close relatives or friends of the persons involved) make inquiries about the prospective partner, e.g.

    “In Israel, there isn’t so much drama about every little thing …

    maybe because, you know, we have bigger fish to fry.” Miller, 30, a native New York author, was attracted to Israeli men for their no B-S approach, as she put it, their general readiness to settle down, and their relative maturity (“After the army, Israelis are men; Americans stay frat boys for a while”).

    When two Jews want to marry one another, they must apply to the rabbis in the city where they live, and prove their mothers were born Jewish and their mothers’ mothers were born Jewish.

    If the bride or groom immigrated to Israel from another country, then a rabbi from the city they originated from must attest to the fact that they, and their mothers and their mothers’ mothers, were born Jewish.

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